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Joey: Monday, One Day. Tuesday, Two Day. Wednesday, When? Huh? What day? Thursday, the Third Day! Joey: (on what a Moo Point is) It's like a cow's opinion… doesn't mean anything. It's moo. Joey: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! There’s a lot of theories that didn’t pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry. Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!' Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he? Joey: No. Y'know how we’re always saying we need a place for the mail. Chandler: Yeah! Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step. Chandler: You’re building a post office? Chandler: Ah, Maria. You can't say no to her. She's like this lycra/spandex covered gym... treat. Chandler: When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me Chandler: Want some chocolate milk? Ross: No thanks, I am 29. Joey: I'll give you this, Mr Peanut is a better dresser. I mean, he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat. Phoebe: You know he's gay? Ross: I just want to clarify this. Are you 'outing' Mr. Peanut? Chandler (to Monica) : Hell is filled with people like you. Chandler: Y'know what? We're not sad, we're not sad, we're just not 21 anymore. Y'know? I'm 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour! Joey and Ross: Yeah! Joey: Yeah! And I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends. Chandler and Ross: Yeah! Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath! Joey: We're 29, we're not women. Joey: Sup? Sup dude? Chandler: Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me. Joey: So, you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack. Playstation is whack! Sup with the whack Playstation, sup?! Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what? Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen. Ross: Posting that I died, was NOT funny! Chandler: How you, died, was funny- Ross:-I was HIT by a BLIMP?!?! Chandler: Hey, hey! Blimps kill over 1 Americans each year! Chandler: Look, if I'm going to be a lonely old guy, I'm going to need a thing. A hook. Like the guy in the subway who eats his face. I'm thinking I could be the crazy man with a snake. Crazy Snake Man. Heh? Then I'll get more snakes and call them my babies. Kids won't walk past my place, they'll run. Run away from 'Crazy Snake Man!' they'll shout. Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I am done! Phoebe: Stick a fork, what? Chandler: Like when you're cooking a steak. Phoebe: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat. Chandler: Well, then how do you know when vegetables are done? Phoebe: Well, you don't. You just eat them, and you can tell. Chandler: Ok, then. Eat me, I'm done! Chandler: Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Eddie: What?! Chandler: You! Move out! Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit and Get out! Eddie: You want me to move out?! Chandler: Uh huh! Eddie: I, uh, I got'a tell you man, I mean, that's a kind'a out of the blue, don't you think? Chandler: This is not out of the blue! This is smack dab in the middle of the blue! Chandler: Alright, OK. So I can't fire Joseph, but, uhh, I can sleep with his wife. Joseph: Karen. Chandler: Yeah! Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh. You know what? I just did! Joseph: What the hell are you doing to me man? Chandler: Oh, it's not me. It's my character. Chandy! The rogue processor who seduces his co-workers wives for sport. And then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact. I have her panties right there in my drawer. Joseph: Really?! Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional! Chandler: I'm smoking, I'm smoking, I'm smoking. Phoebe: I can't believe you, you've been so good for three years! Chandler: And this is my reward! Joey: I can't sleep in my underwear. Chandler: Well, you're gonna. Chandler: Robert's coming out of his shorts. Ross: What? Chandler: The man is showing brain Gunther: Hey buddy. This is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house. Chandler: Condoms? Joey: You never know how long we're gonna be in here. We may have to repopulate the world. Chandler:And condoms would be the way to do that Joey: Don't you have any respect for your body? Ross: Yeah, don't you know what you're doing to yourself? Chandler: Hey! I've had it with you guys and your 'cancer' and your 'emphysema' and your 'lung disease'...The bottom line is smoking is cool, and you know it. Doctor: Now, Mr. Tribbiani, we can remove your kidney stones by going up your urethra... Joey: Whoa, whoa. Nobody is going up anything. Up is not an option. What's a urethra? (Monica whispers in his ear) Are you CRAZY?! Monica: My motto is Get out before they go down. Joey (smiling to himself and eating his cereal): That is so not my motto. Rachel: See, unisex! Joey: Maybe YOU need sex, but I just had sex a couple of days ago. Rachel: Hey, Chandler...Monica just broke my seashell lamp! Chandler: Neat! I'm gonna die alone. Rachel: ...OK...you win. Joey: I'm Joey...I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films. Phoebe: Chandler?! You’re smoking again? Chandler: Actually, yesterday I was smoking again… now, I’m smoking still. |