"Tonight, I had the most fun since I've been here. I have to brag, because I'm awesome." - Andrew's text message to Kirsty about the night.

So, I got a job teaching at this high school. I haven’t started yet, but it should be good, it’s a better offer than what I originally came here for, so it’s good. Before I got it though, I was only workin about 12 hours a week. I had lots of free time, so a few days ago my cousin asked me if I wanted to sing at the club she sings at, and the money is pretty good for only a hour of “work” a night. So I was down with that and she set it up with her boss for me to go sing with her last night. Then I got this other job, so I wouldn’t have the time to sing there anymore, since I wouldn’t get home from the club every night until like 2. I tell her about it, but she says, since she set it up with her boss, I should come and sing this one time anyways. It’s cool with me, so I go put my thing down. We sing at two places, it was all good, fun time, the crowds here are real good, they would love it regardless of how good you are. So it was fun, but this totally isn’t the point of the story.

We get to the second club and the opening act is a very popular cross-dressing singer/comedian. She (I’m gonna refer to her as a her) does like 8 places a night for like 20 minutes each, cause she’s in such high demand. She was hilarious. The singers sit to the side of the stage, so my cousin got Andrew a seat at the first table, center stage with some of her friends. Awesome. She speaks mostly in Thai, so Andrew has no idea what she’s saying to him. To start she quiets the crowd down with, “I love foreigners, and this one is very cute.” By the way, my cousin went to her before the show and said, “Hey, that white guy in the front row is really cute, isn’t he?” Replying in agreement, “Oh he is cute…” She goes on making dirty remarks and offers as she clinks his glass with hers. “Shut up, I’m speaking to my husband,” she screams, in Thai, to the hootin and hollerin girls at the side of the bar. She offers him some Bangnuts, slang for, well…you know, for 5 baht, which comes out to about 12 cents. He smiles and laughs, cause he has no clue what she’s saying, but he got the idea. She finishes her act and he comes over to me and tells me how funny he thought that was. I translated most of the act for him and he found it much funnier. Then he asks where the bathroom is, I point to the back to the big sign that says “MAN.” As he walks away, I wonder if I should have reminded him that this was the place that the bathroom attendee put a hot towel on me, proceeded to give me a shoulder massage and crack my neck and back, whilst I was using the urinal. But, it was too late; he had already walked too far away.
A few minutes later, quite a few minutes I should say, he taps me on my shoulder and says “I’m glad you told me what had happened to you in the bathroom, cause I was about to punch him in the face…”
“Yeah, I was wondering if that was gonna happen…”
“Yeah, were ya?!”
“Yeah…” as I nodded and smiled in amusement, then asked seriously, “Did you tip him?”
“…yeah…”
“…felt good right?”
“…yeah…”
“…kinda dirty though”
“…yeah…”
“…want a beer?”
“…yeah…”

Exhibit A
Exhibit B