"Just think of me as the pages in your diary"- Alicia Keys

quotes from the past few weeks:

UPDATE:
I don't know how I forgot about this:
I'm in my training class at work. The topic of girlfriends came up and I showed my buddy Adam a pic of my girl. He says,"Yeah, check it, I got a bunch of pics on my phone... this is a turtle (picture of a random turtle)... this is a cat in a bag (a cat, looking quite confused and a little scared, looking up out of a shopping bag)... and here is my (holds up the picture and looks dead in my eye... you're not ready for this) abomination of a girlfriend."
It's all over from there... the next 8 minutes is me laughing, uncontrollably. Seriously. At this point, I'm crying, tears streaming down my face, my stomach is killing me... I'm sweating!!! I simply cannot stop laughing at what may be the worst way I've ever heard anyone introduce a significant other. Now, about half the class is laughing at my inability to stop laughing at Adam, so the teacher comes over to me and she says,"Ok, what are you two doing over here..." Understand that at this point I'm still hysterical, I'm 15 seconds from passing out. I grab onto her arm in a Keith-like reaction, and I try to force out what Adam had said. I finally manage to get it out and the whole class can't believe it. Adam then explains that he meant to say abominable (like the abominable snowman, cause she was wearing a big winter furry jacket) and not abomination. Either way, hardest I've laughed since the episode of Perfect Strangers when Balcy and cousin Larry try to fix the girls' bathroom plumbing problems.

Jess' dad talking about her mom's snoring:
"She sounds like a grizzly bear in heat!!"

A coworker giving advice about how to cut back on morning coffee:
"You should try having hot water with a little lemon..."
"... That would just make me mad..."

Justin: You know... if you sneeze and hiccup at the same time... you die.
Jess: No I think...
Justin: No, you die. Think about it... they're opposing forces...
(group thought)
Mark: No, I think you'd just flip over... so if you ever randomly flip over... you know what just happened...
Keith: Hey... you ever wonder why you can blow your nose when you poop, but you can't when you pee?... anyone?

Jess' mom to me, after I say a wrong answer to an asian food question from Jeopardy-
"What kind of Asian are you?!"

In other news, my life is goin very well. Job is goin well, I start real stuff tomorrow. Love life is great, Jess is the best. Friends are doin well, pictures coming soon to prove it. Even my family is doin well. To be honest, I'm kinda waiting for something terrible to happen.... BUT, until then, I'm am doing awesome:)