The Amazin Asian

My farewell

This is the goodbye email I sent out to everyone at Champion Mortgage.

With great sadness, I am moving on from Champion Mortgage to pursue other endeavors. Friday will be my last day. It has been a rare privilege to work with such fine people, and I truly appreciate the opportunity and knowledge that Champion has given me. I've developed some great relationships during my time here; friendships that I care very much about. I will miss you (I mean the plural "you"; in fact, this is my issue with the English language. The absence of a plural for "you", which in turn has brought about terms such as "you all" or in certain demographics, "y'all", in which the two very separate words are seamlessly fused together to form a hybrid, single-syllabled term of formidable use. Now, while I have no personal issue with "y'all" and/or it's use, it is still unnecessary, but created due to the innate need to specify which "you" (plural or singular) one is referring to. The term "thou" once stood for singular/familiar situations, and "you" was used for plural/formal. An interesting side note to this side note: because "thou" is now almost exclusively seen in Biblical references and other classical works, it is considered to be more formal than "you", which oddly enough, is in direct opposition to it's intended meaning. Sadly, "thou" was ushered out of usage, and replaced, as you know, by "you". But back to my point, this has gone on long enough. Too long have we waded in the waters of this oceanic world of a language that we call "English" without a proper form for the plural of "you". Hence forth, not only do I refuse to any longer use "you" for both instances, but I hereby declare that the plural of "you" will now be "asians*".) and the laughs we shared.

It has truly been a pleasure and honor working with asians*, and I wish asians* the very best.

Love always,
Mark Permsuvan
mark@amazinasian.com

• Please take notice, to avoid any confusion- "asians" with a lower-case "a" will be the plural of "you", while "Asians" will be reserved for the race.
  ____________________________________________________________

I thought it was awesome, but it received mixed reviews.
Among all the "best of luck" responses were these gems:

You are a mess and will definitely be missed. I wish you the best Mark :). - Tori

You will be missed. I wish you all the best!! :O) Gotta tell you, I will never look at the words "you" or "asians" the same way! :O) Good luck! - Julie

Get me a HDTV Plasma! Ha! can't believe you are leaving . - Sharon

I will most certainly not say good luck and you will certainly be missed.. - Junita

you suck...where are you going...and please don't every right something that confusing again.. - Carrie

YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!!! YOU (NOT YOU ALL, OR Y'ALL) WILL BE MISSED... GREATLY!!!!!!!!! - Vickie

You are a funny dude, i'll miss you. good luck, and i'll be loving everything about oblivion in the near future, i'm sure. Keep me informed if you have any inside scoops on buying the full system for less than one million dollars (that's 38,937,800 Thailand Baht). - Peter (this was my second favorite one)

we will miss "YOU"..I mean this in the singular sense....come "BY" and say "BYE" before you go...how's that for the "English" language. - Cindy

Umm was that in English? So you are leaving then right? -Eric

:( i am sad to see you go ...as weird as that letter was i will miss you ! - Jackie

what the hell is wrong with you............ - Donnie

And the best response of all:
Ebonically Speaking,

Dat emale was mad ill son, I was sittin here spazzin out ova dat. Yo son Amma miss son.

Translation____You're email was hilarious, I wish you luck on your future endeavors.

- Justin

Sign it!!!! SIGN IT OR I'LL BREAK IT OFF!!!!- Liar Liar

Well it's finally happened... after years of singing in the shower, rigorous Karaoke sessions, and countless vocals in random elevators... I've officially been signed by Sony!

Okay, okay.. so I'm working in the contracts/licencing department. But hey, it's a start... just gotta find the right person to sing around by "accident" and I'll be on my way!

So, this is my first job in the city and I know I will start noticing things that need to be changed. Here's the first one:

You've installed a fancy train ticket-reading-sliding-gate-mechanism to make sure that the people getting to the train do in fact have tickets. So why do you need to see my ticket on the train again? If you are gonna have the train...men check the tickets on the train anyway, then why spend the money on said mechanism? I refuse to believe that NJ Transit's profit margin is so low that the few people that may slip by a 1-check system rather than 2-check system would make all the difference. First of all, ticket prices are so high they might as well leave my ticket between my ass cheeks after they've finished. Second, it's so packed that I think I had sex with the guy in front of me by accident. You know, while we're on the subject of pricing and uninivited butt sex, I understand that I am not paying for an actual seat on the train, but come on... how about a discounted price for passengers that stand?